Last week my somewhat distant neighbor, who also happens to be my somewhat distant cousin, stops by with our mutual friend and co-worker Felix*. (Both of whom work in one area or another of my family’s business.) Felix is mostly known– to me at least — as one who doesn’t talk much. Of course, when he does open his mouth it is usually either funny or smart-ass that comes out of it, as evidenced by the following.When I first bought my house my cousin and I harangued poor Felix until he stopped by to have a look at the place and also hauled some heavy something-or-another around for us. When everyone else was telling me how my new place looked like Red Riding Hood’s cottage or some similarly cozy fairy-tale place, Felix takes a long look at the front of the house and says “Looks like a witches house.”
I mean, he’s dead seroius. I say “Felix, if this looks like a witches house, what does that make me?” He was smart to just shrug his shoulders as if to say “Well…” Point taken, Felix.
So yesterday the troublemaking duo stop by the house while I am out back working on my very witchy broomstick. Which my coz and I “ohh” and “ahh “over for a while, as Felix looks at it suspiciously with one eyebrow raised. Neo, my black cat, chooses this time to come streaking out of the bushes, stop dead in front of dear Felix for a second, and then take off under the neighbors fence. I say “Oh, don’t worry, that’s Neo, he’ll come back.”
Felix just blinks at me twice and says “You really are a witch.”
I mean I was polishing my broomstick, and my black cat did cross his path. I am remembering now that Felix was also called in as backup in an emergency situation involving a bat (as in furry mouse with fangs and wings) in my living room last fall.
This is all inadvertent, mind you, I am not a witch, witchy, wiccan, obsessed with witches, or any of the above. This is all just a series of circumstances brought on by Felix himself, which is the kind of karma you get for saying someone’s house looks like a witches house. So there, Felix.
Just kidding, I am thinking of all the trouble I could cause with a book of spells now though… hmmm….
* Name changed to protect the obviously NOT innocent. In this case Felix is actually MysteryMan almost exactly a year before he actually became MysteryMan (If you get what I’m saying.) So even thought I’ll plaster pictures of his smiling face everywhere I still feel like I’m protecting his privacy by not divulging his real name here. Also a woman once called our office looking for MysteryMan and kept asking for Felix, which sounds remarkably like his first and last names if you either mumble them or say them together real fast, so it kind of makes me laugh.