Taking matters into my own hands.
Sep 17th, 2007 by kitliz
I spent the last 48 hours taking something ugly and turning it into something beautiful. Sanding and staining and using powertools meant for men twice my size to operate.
This, above all else, is what I’m good at. Doing things that other people don’t think I can do… that half the time I don’t think I can do.
I’ve had… I don’t know, four or five things happening simultaneously in the last 6 months that seem to have been systematically chipping away at my… something. My sense of self, maybe? Lord knows it’s not my confidence, because I’m still as cocky as ever. But it seems almost like I forgot who I was, what I do, what I’m good at.
The first of these things is school, which totally derailed every single one of my projects. I like to think of it as a long term project for my brain… but it just happens to be the type of project that consumes 98% of my existance… with the other 2% left over for work and sleeping and not much else.
The second is MysteryMan, who is simultaneously my favorite person in the world and the most frustrating man I have ever met.
The third is (a reason no longer cleared for the new blog… this one isn’t quite as private so I’m choosing my words more carefully.)
The fourth is my job, which is partially tied into all of the reasons above. I’m doing the job that I do because it allows me the freedom to focus on school, but for a variety of reasons I need to be doing something else somewhere else. Plus, while I love seeing MysteryMan every day, (and its not all day every day) it’s hard to be objective and supportive about listening to each others shit at the end of the day when well we’re both embroiled in the same shit all day long. And I’ve got reason number 3 up there working against me every day as well.
The fifth… well, I emailed the Big G on Friday with a “I’m very sorry if I missed your call (which I didn’t) but please let me know if you’d like to reschedule” message. That was 10am Friday and I haven’t heard back since.
So this is the part where I do just like I did with that hundred and forty pound drum sander. I’m taking matters into my own hands. That was my lesson for the weekend. Take something ugly, and make it beautiful. I don’t know why that shouldn’t apply to my life as well as my hardwood floors.
I’m forgetting about that job. If that wasn’t a big enough brush-off for me, I don’t know what is. I’m sending my resume out to at least 4 companies a week and I will have a job by the time I get back from China, even if it’s managing a McDonalds. And I’m going to do something really, really nice for MysteryMan for lugging that hundred and forty pound sander up and down the stairs for me no less than four times without trying to stuff me head first into the dust collection bag.
And if that isn’t a good way to start a Monday, I don’t know what is…
Recycling Cabinet
DIY Wine Rack
I predict google wil come crawling back after they find out you are seeing others…it’s the law of the universe.
and show me the pictures. i thought about you all weekend redoing those floors.
Taking matters into your own hands and doing something that you’re good at is the best way to regain the something that’s been chipped away.
And could Mystery Man’s willing cooperation have anything to do with the Michigan victory?
Your adult description of BFF really cracked me up. That was awesome!
Regarding listening to each other’s woes at the end of the day — more times than not, Sarah and I don’t discuss it. Sometimes its easier to just leave it in the past where it belongs than wasting better time spent together rehashing it.
Good luck with the job search!
I’m right there with you on feeling like you’ve lost some sense of yourself. Good for you for doing something beautiful (and endorphin-producing) about it! I’ve been refinishing furniture, myself.
I like your redefinition of BFF. It’s not as much fun to have one, but much funnier to read on a blog