One of the many blessings in my life– a list which includes having the good fortune to use a lot of big, bad tools and still retain all of my fingers– is having what I like to refer to as a “hyperactive bullshit detector.”

Side Note: My grandmother keeps insisting I’m too pretty to use words like “bullshit” all over the internet, but seriously? You try using the initials “BS” in a sentence once and then tell me you don’t feel like a weenie. I rest my case. And yet I still feel a little guilty for using The Swears now.

Swearing aside, there are little alarm bells that go off in my head when I see or hear something that just ain’t quite right, which most of the time is very handy. But I also have a irrepressible desire to buy every new power tool I see. As you might imagine, occasionally these impulses war with each other, and that’s when I spend a lot of time on the internet looking up product reviews until I fall asleep at my keyboard.

And this, my friends, is why I need your help. Lend me your common sense and tell me what you think about these badass, or erm bullshit, products.

Eden Pure Heaters

So we’ve been looking for a heater for the Station house for a few weeks, and tomorrow the temps are supposed to top out at around thirty-six degrees, so time is about up for us. We’re not at the Station every day, so we need something safe that can regulate it’s own heat. Our neighbor had read/seen/heard something about the Eden Pure Heaters:

According to Eden Pure:

A major cause of residential fires in the U.S. is due to portable heaters. The EdenPure ^TM uses a new advanced quartz infrared heating system that never reaches a temperature that can start a fire.

The EdenPure ^TM heats the room evenly from floor-to-ceiling. The result is the heat you need to feel comfortable is now down low where you dwell and you are no longer wasting money heating the ceiling!

Things that would be good if they were true:

• If Fido the Stuffed Dog can live on top of it, it probably won’t burn the station down while we’re gone. EDIT: After reviewing this post, I actually think Fido is supposed to be a real dog living on top of the heater, abeit a poorly photoshopped one.
• It supposedly will heat up to 1000 Sq Ft, which is more than most space heaters you can buy at Lowe’s
• Bob Vila recommends it

Things that make me wary:

• The name “EdenPure”. It just shouts “trying too hard”
• The website is infomercial central, complete with excessive exclamation points and “certified guaranteed”  clip-art badges everywhere
• Reviews like this: “Within five days the unit started turning off and not coming back on despite waiting for hours and room temperature dropping to the point the propane furnace came on. Only after our experience did I look further into online reviews of EdenPure products which are not favorable. I also checked into BioTech Research (Canton, OH) through the Ohio Better Business Bureau and saw that BioTech has had numerous complaints from customers with similar problems”

Okay, okay, so my bullshit meter is going off the charts with this one. What do you guys think?

Fein MultiMaster 7-in-1 Power Tool

Moving on to things I don’t actually need but could potentially buy anyway. Because I could see a use for this thing if my jigsaw, sawsall, rotozip, and dremmel all stop working at the same time.

According to the website:

There’s no job too large or too small for the FEIN MultiMaster tool. This commercial-grade professional power tool utilizes variable speed oscillation and a broad assortment of accessory blades to ensure you get every job done right.

From do-it-yourself projects to automotive care, personal hobbies or large-scale construction, the MultiMaster tool can get it done. Unbeatably versatile, incredibly precise, the FEIN MultiMaster makes every job faster, easier and more thorough.

Things I like:

• SEVEN in one, need I say more?
• The website is not scary, and there is only ONE exclamation point in the description.

Things that make my eye twitch:

• Uh, seven-in-one again. Wouldn’t it be better to have seven specialized tools?
• It costs like $400. You can get a sliding compound miter saw for that much money you know.
• If it was that good of an idea DeWalt would already have invented it.

My verdict? I’d probably never spend $400 on this. If it was under $100 I’d consider it.

What do you think? Badass? Bullshit? Should I quit using the word bullshit because my grandma told me to?Seriously I’m starting to give myself a complex now.

Omni Dual Saw

I’m of the mind that you really can’t own too many saws. And really, this thing has two blades so it’s almost like two saws in one.

What their website says:

Omni Dual Saw’s patented counter rotating blade technology makes it the only saw with 2 blades that simultaneously rotate in opposite directions: forward, backward, top and bottom! Unlike other saws, this professional grade saw’s unique technology and dual blade design allow users to cut through virtually any material without changing blades.

Things that make me overlook the fact that it’s sold on an infomercial:

• It cuts through pipes like butter. On the commercial.
• It’s small enough to comfortably fit my hand (sometimes hefting the big circular saw around gets unwieldy)
• Supposedly the dual blade design mitigates kick-back

Things that make me wary:

• Two blades = twice as likely to loose a finger
• The two blades rotating in opposite directions both thrills me and freaks me out a bit
• The whole “even a woman could use it” line is NOT. ENDEARING.
• If this is such a good idea, why isn’t anyone else doing it. Oh wait, Craftsman makes a twin saw just like this but $80 cheaper.

The verdict? Okay, I want one… but of course I’d buy the Craftsman. (And I don’t actually need one, so I probably won’t actually make this purchase.)

Also, I do hear the Craftsman may have overheating issues, but it’s not like I would try to make my own all-wheel drive vehicle with it or anything:

What do you think… do the twin-blade saws live up to the hype? Is Red Green your hero?

And now I’ve exceeded the amount of question-marks I can reasonably justify using in one post. Around here, excessive punctuation use can only mean one thing… it’s past my bed time!

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