Let me ask you a question. Which of the people in this picture look like they are about to have a heart attack:

Hmmm…

The last time he came over to “work” at my house was back in 2005 when he showed me how to lay the wood flooring in my kitchen. (It’s still a mystery as to how he knows the proper procedure for laying hardwood or drywall, as I’m pretty sure he hadn’t done either before he stared telling me how to do it, but that’s the magic of fatherhood I suspect.)

Then two weeks ago the world stops spinning on it’s axis and he comes over with his work boots on ready to “show us how it’s done” when it comes to installing drywall.

Then four days ago he about keels over from a heart attack. At which point I turn to MysteryMan and go, Holy Hell we almost killed Ricky with a piece of drywall.

Don’t worry. He’s still alive.

You may think I’m being blase’ about this, but what you have to realize is that Stansleys’ don’t die. Seriously. The last one of us that kicked it was more than 25 years ago when my Great Grandpa succumbed to lung cancer after a lifetime of cigar smoking. My Great Grandma is 98 or 99 and still alive, as are the rest of us.

Genetically, we’re built like brick shithouses.

Which is why with one artery 97% clogged, Ricky calmly got up Wednesday night, put on his boots, and drove himself to the hospital. Granted, he drove there at 100 MPH, but that’s pretty normal for a Stansley too.

Another thing that’s normal for us? As Ricardo is driving himself to the hospital, my step-mom phones my uncle to tell him what happened. He proceeds to get in his car, head down the street, and when he sees an ambulance that he thinks may contain Ricky he drives in front of it and slams on his breaks to “flag it down” so to speak. Yes. He essentially hijacked an ambulance, which, mind you, did not have my dad inside of it. Luckily no one else was inside of it either, because that would have been an awkward conversation.

“Oops, YOU’RE not my brother. Good luck with that amputated arm.”

As it is, he was already at the hospital getting a stent put in (which they can do through the wrist now, in case you didn’t know) and about 4 minutes later he was as good as new. They do give you a mandatory stay in the ICU to monitor you post-myocardial infarction, and just to make sure all of his bases were covered I got him a little light reading material for his stay.

And just in case that one doesn’t work…

Yes, actually, irreverence does run in the family.

So the good news is that between the 100 MPH driving by a man having a heart attack, the hijacking of an ambulance, the heart attack itself, and the slew of doctors who spent 36 hours tempting Ricky to put his fingers around their collective neck and squeeze, no one actually died.

The other good thing that happened is now when Ricky comes at me with his usual, “UR DOIN IT WRONG!” I can say, yeah, how about Cholesterol? You’re doing it wrong! Or… don’t tell me my trim is crooked, you might get upset and have a heart attack.

Ahh. All new worlds of giving him shit have opened up to me. Like when he starts to get pissy… Are you sure the doctors didn’t take your temperature rectally and forget to remove the thermometer?

In all seriousness, we did ban him from coming over to the Memorial house until he’s “fully recovered”, which of course means that less than 24 hours after he was released from the hospital he heard we were installing a new door an had to come over to make sure we weren’t making a mistake that could start a chain reaction which causes the universe to implode and end existence as we know it. Don’t worry, we didn’t let him lift anything heavy.

So here’s my genuine public service announcement for the day. Last year this time MysteryMan lost an uncle to heart disease, and we were devastated. My dad is reasonably healthy, works out 5 times a week, and if he’d lain down and gone to bed instead of driving himself to the hospital, I would be writing you a much different post right now.

I’d urge everyone who reads this site to spend a few minutes on the American Heart Association’s website or blog,  learning how we can all be a little bit healthier so there are many more years of DIY awesomeness in our futures.

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