Alternative titles for this post: “Watch me beat the hell out of a piece of drywall”, “Things I should not post on the internet”, “When proving your point goes very, very wrong.”
Here is something you have to own up to as a person of smaller stature working on big projects with big tools. You often look ridiculous because of the things you have to do to get as much leverage as someone twice your size does.
MysteryMan, for example, can pick up a shovel and with barely a tap of his toe it slides six inches into the ground like a hot knife through butter. Meanwhile I’m next to him jumping on my shovel with both feet like it’s a pogo stick and I’ve seen golfers make divots larger than the hole I’m digging.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that it often takes me twice as long to do what guys twice my size can do in half the time. And that’s ok, I still get stuff done. Okay, maybe I’m a little touchy about it. Maybe when MysteryMan tells me I can’t do something, my streak of stubbornness sets in and I do things that should only be attempted with a spotter. Wearing full body armor.
Back when I wrote about hanging ceiling drywall by myself I admitted to struggling with getting a nine-foot piece of drywall on to a drywall rack inside of a nine foot bathroom. This was after someone glibly said “No way you’re getting that onto that rack by yourself” and then I started throwing sharp objects at him until he left me to tackle the project on my own. So I set up the video camera to prove how easily I could pick the drywall up and set it on the rack myself. And… uh…
I really should not be posting this to the entire Internet.
But I do make fun of every guy who tells me I can’t do things on this website all of the time and I would be remiss for not sharing something that perfectly illustrates why they tell me not to do things sometimes. In my defense… I can actually pick up and move a big sheet of drywall on my own. Maneuvering it in a small space is a different story.
00:14 – I try to pick a nine foot piece of drywall up with my armpit. Eh, it seemed like the thing to do at the time.
00:25 – Things are looking good.
00:38 – Not so good.
00:52 – I realize my “master plan” of proving MysteryMan wrong has backfired. I have absolutely no control over this piece of drywall AND IT’S ALL ON CAMERA.
0:55 – 01:00 – I realize I’m pretty well screwed, but refuse to give up.
01:01 – I run out of ideas.
01:02 – It occurs to me I may be able to use my butt to more easily maneuver the drywall. This is surprisingly successful.
01:06- Uh, oops. Maybe a little too successful.
01:08 – Eh, we can buff that out.
01:27 – It actually took three minutes and fifty-five seconds to lift one piece of drywall 3 feet onto a rack. I edited out the part where I stood there for 50 seconds contemplating the meaning of life.
01:34 – I sum up the entire experience in two words.
I don’t actually recommend that you waste a minute and thirty-four seconds of your life watching this video. Except for maybe the part where I demolish a corner of drywall with the sheer size of my ass. That part is a little funny.
Yes, kind of funny, but mostly just ridiculous.
I need to eat more Wheaties.
EDIT: Against my better judgment I shared this video with one of my work buddies and this was his assessment via AIM.
Brian D: The grunting is HILARIOUS.
Brian D: “ehh”
Brian D: “ehjhh”
Brian D: huh huh
Brian D: SMACK
Brian D: deep breaths
Brian D: assess situation
Brian D: BREAK OFF CORNER
Brian D: HAHAHAHAHHAA
Brian D: look up
Brian D: look down
Brian D: look up
Brian D: lift
Brian D: fail
Brian D: laugh
Brian D: out of breath
Brian D: HAHAHAHHAHA
Brian D: that piece or drywall didn’t MOVE
Brian D: that is amazing.
Holy shit, I was laughing so hard I was crying. Thanks for that flattering assessment of my DIY skills Brian. Amazing is right.