If somehow you missed that almost every single post on this website for the last three months was about a list of repairs the bank insisted I do to this house (and by “insisted” I mean “held a lot of money hostage for”), here’s an abbreviated version of the story:
- In February I unexpectedly bought a house while sitting in a bar. Four hours after I first saw it. Without ever going inside. Because I’m crazy.
- In order to get financing for this house, it had to be appraised (totally normal)
- The appraiser completed an “as is” appraisal, but also included a list of “defects” in the property (not normal) that looked something like this
- Even though I was purchasing the house for 30% less than the appraised value, and made an additional 30% down payment, and had the funds in the bank for the repairs, and am a licensed freaking builder, the underwriter for the loan was still “nervous” about the defects in the property. Like the missing outlet covers in the bedroom. The only logical conclusion that I can draw from this is that the qualifications to be an underwriter include 1.) still lives with mother, and 2.) wets the bed.
- In order to secure the loan I had to put an additional $9,ooo cash into an escrow account with the Title company with the stipulation that I had to complete the list of repairs and have the appraiser come back within six months to get my money back.
That six month deadline ends in two weeks, which explains why I basically haven’t sat down for the last eight weeks. Some of the projects on that list, like putting a new roof on the house, were totally legitimate and I’m glad they’re done. Some of the projects, like painting the falling-apart back deck (that really needs to be rebuilt) were, as one clever reader put it “polishing a turd”, just to satisfy the bank.
I talked to the bank couple of weeks ago, told them I was pretty close to finishing the list and wanted to get things moving, and they said once I was done to let them know and they would have the appraiser contact me for final inspection.
Well, once I finished the list I contacted the bank. And then waited. And waited. And started sending annoyingly persistent emails every day, because hello, hasn’t everybody’s life revolved around this list for the last six months? No? Nobody else is losing sleep over this?
I was just starting to get geared up for a full-on fight when, in the spirit of completely fucking with me, I got a call that went like this: “Hey, this is the bank, just wanted to let you know we talked to the title company and told them to release the funds.”
I had about 10 seconds to decide whether or not to ask about the need for the appraiser to come back for a final inspection, but if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that you don’t make it more difficult for someone to cut you a $9,000 check. So I said a meek “Okay, thanks.” And that was that.
On one hand, I moved an entire barn into a dumpster by hand over the last two weekends and, by God, I want someone to come out here and inspect the shit out of it. On the other hand, I now have a fairly substantial check in my pocket and nothing stopping me from tearing the wallpaper off the stairwell, or ripping the carpet out of the master bedroom.
So. I’m pretty sure the primary emotion I’m feeling right now is relief, but there’s a healthy bit of what the fuck swimming around with it too.
If I think too much about it I could probably work up a good head of steam, so instead I’m choosing to be grateful that the Liberty House Bank Saga is officially over. What I know for sure is that I’m thankful all of you have stuck with me through some pretty ridiculous projects (and shook your fists at the bank and appraiser right along with me.) There are definitely days that I couldn’t do it without your support.
Now, who’s ready for the real work to begin?