The Bible of My Future Life


MysteryMan and I spent hours in the bookstore this weekend, pouring over books about floorplans and landscaping and 1001 Reasons Why You’re Crazy To Build Your Own Addition, when I stumbled upon this little gem.

‘8167 Useful Skills and Step-by-Step Instructions’ on everything you need to know to live off the land,  from fabricating natural milk soap to breeding livestock.

Every time I open this book I find one more thing I absolutely needed to know. For example, just ninety seconds ago I found a section on building homebrew equipment and making homemade wine. Um, seriously? This author knew ex-actly what it would take for me to successfully survive in the country where supposedly I’m not even allowed to have a disposal in my sink.

However, I’ve already learned some very useful factoids, like, for example, garlic should be braided unwashed and straight from the ground, run-in horse (or donkey!) shelters should open to the South, and the best time to plant corn is when new Oak leaves are the size of squirrels ears. Any page that has to do with butchering little animals and not loving them and kissing their cute little animal faces are summarily dismissed. Butchering does not occur in my version of the country. Miniature donkeys occur and that is all, capice?

I don’t care how far into the depths of country living I descend, all meat in my household will come in tidy little plastic packages. And if MysteryMan didn’t cook such a damn good steak, I’d go back to being a vegetarian.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go learn more about making a respiratory relief tincture.

8 Responses

  1. Re the disposal – if you are not on a mainline sewer system it’s not recommended to have a disposal, you can upset the delicate balance of the microbes in the cess pit. We have a strainer over the drain and dump peelings etc into a compost bin. It’s a little more work but it never has to be unclogged!

  2. And in terms of living off the land, composting everything instead of flushing it down the disposal is a better way to go anyways.

  3. Killing and eating critters is good stuff. Makes you appreciate where it comes from and better than that, it takes money from the maw of the nasty factory farms that put food in those neat little plastic packs.

    It’s far more green, if you think about it.

    Nothin’ more locavore than killing something that was running around on the back 40.


  4. I am ALL for composting, but there is something about those drain screens that catch all the little food particles that disgust me to no end. Like, near the edge of vomiting disgusting. And there are things like meat that don’t go into the compost pile which I am unhappy to have sitting around in my garbage can smelling.

    I joke a little about being a city person since I was raised farther away from civilization than MysteryMan. However, even 20 years ago we managed to have a leach field and a disposal without an issue… it’s way worth it to me to have modern conveniences that make it more likely that I will keep the house clean, and pay to have the septic tank pumped more often if necessary. Plus, I read that there are some disposals that will add enzymes to the wash every time you dispose something to help keep the balance in the septic tank so I feel confidant that given current technology I can both have my cake and put it down the disposal too. 😉

  5. You’d be fine without a disposal if you guys were vegetarians. Horrid stuff doesn’t seem to collect in my drain screens, maybe because I chop and then clean off the board except for rinsing directly into a container to take out to the compost? I dunno.
    I am not sure one can upset the “delicate balance” of a cesspool. I once asked my elderly plumber if my rare use of bleach would harm it, and he had a good laugh.

  6. We can’t have a disposal in our house, either. But we’re veggies, and I can’t remember needing one in the last couple years.

    I’ve seen that book at the store… it intrigued me! Honestly, the idea of raising my own meat ALMOST makes me want to not be veggie… I think it’s need. I’ll stick with raising my own veggies (badly), though.

  7. You know, I grew up with a speptic system and a garbage disposal. We used it for everything, and too much at that. I think in 25 years, they had it serviced twice. Then they cut down the very fast growing pin tree next to it and started having it pumped out every few years.

    Never a problem, really. You’ll need less service if you compost or even pitch bulky stuff, of course. But I’m with the Diva on the little trap. If I put it in the drain, I want it to go DOWN. I don’t want to be messin’ with slimy soggy food-like waste after the fact.

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I'm not interested in a mediocre life. I'm here to kick ass or die.