That’s The (Holiday) Spirit

Oh, look who has one halfway-finished room her her house and all of the sudden goes from channeling Bob Vila to Martha-Effing-Stewart. Next thing you know I’m going to sew the shit out of something, but for the moment I’ll stick to moving things four times my size and drinking decorating.

Last year I bought a tall, skinny fake Christmas tree, mostly because–if you recall– my life-plan at that time included building a little cottage with a big workshop and 900 sq ft of living space. I was downsizing, right? And because the Universe likes to laugh in my face when I try to simplify my life, I ended up with a 150 year old, 3000 sq ft farmhouse.

You know what you don’t put in a 150 year old, 3000 sq ft farmhouse? A tall, skinny, fake Christmas tree. No, no, you strap on your big-girl carhartts and go get yourself a tree.


I mean, you know there is no version of me getting this thing off the car and into the house by myself where I don’t almost lose an eyeball, right?

I briefly considered catapulting the tree into the house by cutting the twine, driving quickly up to the porch, and then slamming on my brakes. (You think I’m joking, but did I or did I not rope a hot tub to the back of my car and drag in across the lawn into the barn once? Anything goes out here in the country.)

However, I remembered how long it took me to paint that effing porch and decided on a less destructive course of action that basically entailed sticking the entire upper half of my body inside the tree, and then somehow defying all laws of physics to get it through this door…


I assume the same magic that allows a fat dude to fit down a chimney was in play here.

And let me tell you, something about having a tree in the house just puts you in the Christmas spirit. Last year I was living in a temporary house, and the year before that I was living in a garage, so suffice it to say I’ve got years of decorating to make up for. And this mantel was just begging for a little something…


Like this…


Probably when Pottery Barn decided to sell delicate little strings of lights and glittery letters, this was not what they had in mind…


But I mean really, you set those two things next to each other on the display table, and you know some smartass with a hot glue gun is going to do this, right? (Actually, no glue was involved in the making of this decoration. Martha would hang her head in shame.)

If you wanted to do something similar, but without, say, the underlying hint of alcoholism, I think this would also work for hanging up Christmas cards with clothespins like my frame full of tiny planets. Just sayin’.

So that’s the first wave of Holiday spirit taking over the Liberty House, but believe me when I tell you it’s not nearly done yet…

17 Responses

  1. Ok, I work every day with people who are termed mentally ill, but, girl, my first thought was “this woman needs serious mental help”…especially when I saw the ladder on the table, etc., however when I hit the close up of the mantel pix and saw the words in the frame I breathed a sigh of relief….and LMAO! Coming along nicely…hope you have a family Christmas get together planned here as this is going to be your best house ever!

  2. I believe Martha is actually hanging her head in shame because you didn’t wrap that frame in pretty grosgrain ribbon and say “It’s a good thing.” I think I need a corner pulled off my man card for knowing Martha-isms and writing that…

  3. my day is not complete if i cannot read your blog and laugh. and get awesome ideas for my own piece of the country… currently with no ceilings and insulation walls…..but a painted and decorated laundry room. LOL please never stop blogging and making my day.

  4. I’m joining the chorus, you are delightful and so funny, sort of like a Gen X ‘er Erma Bombeck. I really need a beer money mug for my son!

  5. Had an LOL moment on this one. I’m just glad I wasn’t drinking something at the same time. Absolutely LOVE the mantle decorations. I wonder what my very conservative hubby would say if I did something similar?!!!! But seriously, the house is looking fabulous and you are living my dream. 🙂

  6. At first, without my glasses, I only saw that it was tone on tone with some red and glitter…then I put my glasses on and half choked on my coffee laughing! Cheers to you, Kit!

  7. LOVE IT! I remember shoving a tree the size of my couch through the extra skinny front door of my first (and second and third) apartments. Such fun…

    Hey, your ‘Get Lit’ decoration goes with my hostess chairs at the Christmas party tonight! There are 3 of us. Our chairs each say “HO” in bright red glittery letters. Ho, Ho, and Ho! It’s maaaaagicaaalllll!

  8. LOVE that last pic! Too funny not to share & pin – thank you for your great sense of humor on this very rainy, dreary day. This made my morning!

  9. Catching up with your archives finally, and I realize that this is many months too late…but I totally see this selling as a holiday card this winter…etsy or cafepress. I want!

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