It’s Sunday night and I just sat down to write about all of the things I built this weekend (okay, fine, the two things I built this weekend) but instead what came to mind was all of the things I did not do this weekend. The grass that has grown back in the garden and needs to be tilled, the driveway that needs to be sprayed, the friends I didn’t see, the workshop that really, really needs to be organized.
This is pretty much a weekly occurrence… I think of it affectionately as my Sunday Night Panic. It starts right about the time I can tell the daylight is fading, lasts well into the night as I stay up trying to get things done, and follows me into the week when I wake up groggy and sleep-deprived Monday morning. And here’s the thing… I like my job. I don’t dread Monday mornings, or going to work. I get to spend time with a lot of awesome people during the work week, and come home to an awesome place that I love working on.
What I like to tell myself is that I just don’t have enough time. Right? You know this story. Not enough time for the drive, and the work that I enjoy, and hanging out with the nuggets, and lifting heavy weights, and all the projects I want to do, and getting my shit together, and spending time with my bearded dude. And when you think about it, that is such a ridiculous thing. It’s like I have a bucket full of awesome, and I get stressed out that I don’t have a bigger bucket.
So instead of talking to you about buckets, and stress, and problems we put on ourselves… I’m going to tell you about my best night.
After a long week last week, I had tentative plans with my dude and his friends (one that would have meant rushing home, rushing through farm chores, rushing out again, and getting back late in the night) but I just couldn’t muster up the energy. I thought about what I really needed that night, and realized I just wanted to spend some time in my space.
So I didn’t go out, unless you count going out into the field.
I spent some time hanging out with these bffs. (You can tell they are bff by the look on the cat’s face, right?)
I burnt the dinner I was making, thought about being upset about that, and then just said fuck it and took the Kiterpillar out for a ride to find the best place to watch the sunset instead.
I came inside for a while, played around in the house, and then when I walked out to call the cat in for the night–at 11:30 PM–I realized it was the most amazing night out. Super bright with the full moon, cool and breezy. So instead of going to bed, I did this…
Just me and the cat, hanging out in the back yard. We sang songs and danced to my iPod and ran around until all hours in the night. (Particularly the hour at which the “weed pile” went up in roaring flames because, apparently, my Christmas tree was under there somewhere…)
Bubs and I managed not to catch ourselves on fire.
And this is not the part where I start expounding on “unplugging” or “being present in the moment”. I was super present in the awesomeness of my night, but I also texted jokes to my dude, and instagramed pictures of my night, and caught up with my friends on facebook. All while drinking a beer around a fire in the middle of nowhere. And I appreciated every bit of all of it. The great night. The wide open spaces. The connections that didn’t require me to give up those things that energized me.
Then I woke up and spent my weekend playing with my mom in the garden.
And building some stuff.
And taking a nug for a ride on the Kiterpillar…
And essentially I didn’t leave my property for a full 48 hours. So when the Sunday Night Panic kicked in today, instead of burying myself in another project that I wouldn’t have time to finish, I did this…
And instead of thinking about all of the things I should have done, I thought about how lucky I am to do the things I did. And it was another awesome night.