Well this week has been an epic emotional roller coaster, and it’s not even goddamn Wednesday yet. So that’s going to give me five new gray hairs… at least. (If you didn’t read the update on Monday’s post, all the farmland around me went up for auction, and the purchase price ended up being over my max spending limit.) But, you guys are so hilarious/awesome/supportive about all of the things I do that it was worth all the crazy this week just to feel all the encouragement and good vibes from everyone. If I haven’t said it enough yet, thank you.
When I get put in situations of intense pressure I’m pretty good at focusing in on what needs to be done, and shunting off anything else that I would normally give time and attention to. So for the last month all of my energy has been focused on: 1.) my job (because I work with awesome people that I would never want to let down, and, you know, it also pays the bills), 2.) getting the pergola built for the TV shoot (because no one wants to look like a complete ass on camera) and 3.) getting all of the financing/planning in place for buying that farmland. And, seriously, that’s it. On the list of things I didn’t worry about? Oh, you know: eating, sleeping, taking care of the house, seeing friends, laundry, existing projects, new projects, or taking care of myself in any way, shape or form. ugh.
That kind of hyper-focus is amazing for making a push to get some shit done, but it’s not sustainable for much longer than a month (unless you like getting sick… because not taking care of yourself is no good for the immune system, guys) but I’ll say this… it works. And, even more than that, while it’s totally exhausting, I also find that when I’m “in the zone” like that I’m actually stockpiling energy and motivation for, well, whatever comes after.
If the auction had gone in my favor, I would have used that energy for figuring out financing, first-year cash flow, planning, networking, and working through a massive learning curve about running a farm as a business, and just about everything else that isn’t essential would have been put on the back burner for the next year. Financially, all of my money would have gone into the new business, so there wouldn’t have been new projects or new tools, I’d have pushed back non-essential maintenance (on the property and on myself), I would have held off on adding to the orchards or apiary (and definitely no new animals like goats or sheep.) Life would have looked very different for the next two years.
And you know what, at the right price for the land, all of that would have been worth it. I ran the numbers and knew exactly what I was signing up for– both from a financial and a time/effort perspective– and I also knew the point at which it wasn’t going to make financial sense, and stopped there.
So here’s what I’m left with today: A whole bunch of time, energy, and financial flexibility that I’d already mentally sacrificed… and holy shit, am I ready to roll on some things. For example:
1.) The Guest Bedroom – I always feel a little “ugh” about having friends stay in this room which I basically tossed a mattress and some old furniture into at one point and haven’t done anything else with since.
Oh, yes. That’s awesome.
The fact that one of my very favorite “internet friends” is coming to hang out on the farm next week (there is going to be so much beer and shop talk… it’s going to be awesome) was enough motivation to just DO SOMETHING ALREADY with this room. 24 hours post-auction and I’ve already got a new bed, linens, and room accessories lined up, and I put a coat of paint on the walls tonight.
I was not kidding about that “I have a shitload of extra energy” thing.
2.) Honey Harvest
I am so, so excited for this. One of the “bigger” sacrifices I was going to make was going to be on beekeeping equipment. I knew that it would be a few years until I could put money and effort back into beekeeping, but now I’m researching extractors and all kinds of things to get ready for my upcoming harvest, plus a few new hives next year.
AND I’ve been brushing up on honey recipes in anticipation… can’t wait.
3.) Projects for Friends
Enough about me already. Sometimes there’s so much more joy in building stuff for the awesome people in my life, and that’s what I have, by the way… and abundance of awesome. My family, friends, coworkers, and everyone who reads this website… completely awesome. I don’t take that for granted and I don’t want to spoil any surprises, but I have a few ideas that have been brewing for the awesome people in my life that I’d like to knock out in the next couple of weeks and I’m excited to have the time and means to do that for them.
So, yeah, I’ve got things on my plate, but it’s a whole lot of awesome things… things that make me feel energized and powerful and like hell yes I have a vision for this part of my life and I’m going to make it real. That doesn’t mean I’m not a little melancholy about the way the auction turned out… I am fully acknowledging my less-than-happy feelings about that, but I’m also embracing all the other things I love to do in life, and I feel like that’s a good balance.
We don’t always have to justify or explain-away things that are uncomfortable in life. I think it’s good to acknowledge and accept them, but also not to let those feelings hold you back from all of the other badass things you can do either.