Last week one of the fine upstanding officers of the law decided that the six mph I was driving over the speed limit was recklessly endangering the other drivers on the expressway. All one of them.
It was a slow day for crime in The City of Trees.
He gave me a pass on the speeding, but of course ticketed me for not wearing my seatbelt. I have issues with the seatbelt law, the first of which is that it voilates my nature-given right to endanger myself if I should so choose. What’t next? Knife juggling? Outlawed. Lifting heavy objects by bending from the back, not the knees? Outlawed. Eating french fries? Outlawed.
I don’t kid myself however. The state is less interested in my personal safety that it is in making an easy $90 from my blatent disregard for my own personal safety.
My second issue with the seatbelt law comes from the fact that I have what is essentially a golfball sized tumor* situated directly over my windpipe. In the exact spot that the seatbelt catches my neck, because vehicles are not designed for extra-short people. So while I actually do firmly believe in my own personal safety, I also can’t drive for more than 3 or 4 minutes with all oxygen being forcibly cut off from my brain.
I didn’t relay this information to the kind officer becase rules is rules, so when I knowingly break them I pay for them without complaint.
But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Luckily I have a self-powered, fully-organic paper shredder in the house. And when I saw this legal notice sitting on my desk today and found myself rather annoyed at the legal system… Well, let’s just say I dealt with it accordingly.
Paper shredder, aka BubbaCat.
I shred any legal papers for free.
Each individual piece guaranteed to be coated with fast-acting paper-disolving reminicent-of-dead-fish cat saliva. No additional charge.
*It’s actually what they call a multinodular goiter. Mmmm, pretty, right? It’s genetic. Thanks Mom.
Ah ha ha! I had a hamster when I was in the 6th grade. It would do the same thing to papers left lying around. Imagine my teacher’s disbelief when I told them that my HAMSTER ate my homework…..
I have one around here, too… but he’s bigger and fluffier. He prefers the bill paying kind.
LOL I had a cat that ate pictures and certain kind of papers.
yes! cat takes the law to task…story at 9!
Hi…I haven’t read any of your blogs since houseblogs.com was alive and kicking. Catching up now, hence the post on a really old blog entry. Anyway, 5’4″ me LOVES these things:
They do a great job of keeping you from choking and blacking out while driving. Heavy duty desk clips work well too, but they can sometimes be a bit unwieldy.