Baby, it’s (Really Effing) Cold Outside

For the first four days of 2014, I didn’t leave my property even once. Not because I’m lazy, but because Mother Nature unceremoniously dumped about a foot of snow on us to start off the year right.

As far as I can tell, this is my driveway…


Not entirely sure though.

I know a lot of people need the weather channel or a thermometer to tell them if it’s effing cold outside, but on the farm, we use eggs.


This is the egg that says, “it is far too effing cold outside right now.” (Yes, that is a real egg. Completely frozen, sans shell.)

Saturday I finally had enough free hours to attempt to shovel myself out.


Most of the snow was a good 8″ deep…


But the drifts in the driveway were about two feet.


I used my neighbors tractor to dig myself out.


Turns out I’m not that good at plowing a driveway with a tractor. Plus it was effing cold..


Have I mentioned that yet?

And I was fairly bundled up for this adventure, but, since we’re talking about effing cold, let’s also talk about cold-weather gear for a moment, shall we? After the last time I spent a significant amount of time praying crying in front of the space-heater, my mom and I both had the same idea…

More hats!

She said that since I’m always calling my fur-lined winter hat “ridiculous” I should have another one…


For… less ridiculous occasions? And also for times when I want to be a ninja?

But, 1.) It’s actually a super-warm hat, so I’m not knocking it. Plus, my version of buying warmer head gear ended up like this…



I don’t even have the words for it, really, so I’m just going to say what we’re all thinking… head condom.


I don’t fully understand how this is going to go. It has kind of an odd-shaped face-hole.




It just doesn’t seem too…


I’m not sure which parts of me are supposed to be exposed with this thing.

There were no instructions.

But I’m still glad I own it, because this morning I woke up to another foot of snow and -15 degree weather.


I believe the snow is three chickens deep. That’s an approximate calculation… don’t worry, I didn’t actually stack chickens in there to find out.


The good news is that at the moment I have heat, power, and chili made from the bazillion tomatoes I canned over the summer simmering on my stove. And I might manage to dig myself out sometime before spring.


But in the meantime, I’ll just be stuck here on the farm, enjoying the view.

15 Responses

  1. Kit-Kat, Once you start moving snow with a tractor you realize that snow shovels should be the last resort, ENJOY !

  2. That’s not a reservoir tipped hat…that’s gnome winter wear, so that you can wear a pointy tipped red hat underneath it.

  3. I think you have to squeeze the tip to create an air pocket…for insulation, of course.

  4. I have one of those head condoms, too, though mine is missing the reservoir tip, and it has much lighter section for the top of the head (meant for layering under another hat). My boyfriend bought it for me last Christmas for a trip that I took to Antarctica last January. He kept calling me Pink Ninja, too. It’s effing, flipping cold here. Antarctica was warmer than this last year. Fingers crossed that all your farm creatures are warm and dry.

  5. Somehow, I like the bare shoulders with the warm hats! When it gets really cold outside, fashion goes out the window and warm really counts. it is hard to go wrong with a well made fur bomber hat, however. My kids make fun of all my weird hats, but I really don’t care. Honestly, it is a plus if my clothing embarrasses my kids! Today’s high is minus 2 air temp. Stay warm out there.

  6. I was stuck at home today too. They didn’t close my office, but my car couldn’t get down the road, so thank goodness for Internet. I haven’t seen snow like this since I was a kid!

    The head condom is hilarious, I have one of those too but it doesn’t have the point on the top, so it’s definitely lacking.

  7. I was born and raised in Montana, but I’ve lived in Southern California since 1966. I am as done as I can be with those harsh winters.

  8. Is the face hole big enough and stretchy enough be fit you head through? Maybe so you could wear is a neck warmer and not some type of phallic headgear when you have to go place that might have people around that would be insulted?

  9. “i believe the snow is three chickens deep” – LMAO! love that. it is somehow bringing to mind the crazy, emotional muppet chickens.
    ps – long time lurker, first time commenting… love your blog! you inspired me to delve into home improvement!

  10. Wanted to let you know that you and that frozen egg inspired the “Primary Research” video I did at our library today: . IANAFG (I Am Not A Farm Girl), so I was not prepared for that egg to be completely frozen solid, despite your photographic evidence. It was hilarious and so much fun. Thanks for a great blog.
    Enjoy! Feel better! Take it easy!

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