On Never Growing Up

You might be under the impression that I am, in fact, a responsible adult. Which is fair… I’ve been under that same impression since the tender age of five (which, coincidentally, and according to my mother, is the point at which the nuns who ran my preschool became slightly concerned when I started referring to the church patrons as “customers”. Eh? What can I say? I come from a business-minded family.)

And really, I was a serious kid. I mean, I played with the best of them, if by “played” you mean “built epic lego structures and tried to figure out how to save the environment” which is basically how I spent my years from age three to age twenty…ish. And, also, doing it myself. Because this site isn’t called DIYdiva for nothing you know…

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Oh look. I am three and I can assemble this drawer better than you. Don’t fuck with my screwdriver.

But, so, listen, I was a pain-in-the-ass kid who always needed to do that shit herself, but there was also a ton of stuff I didn’t have control of at that age (because I was like, five) and that was not a comfortable couple of decades for me. Or for my parents, who didn’t understand why their five year old was trying to be the boss all the time. Let’s just say, I am way better at being in charge of things.

So, anyway, at some point in my twenties I hit this magical period where I was actually in control of a lot of things in my life that I hadn’t been in control of up to that point and I was like, wait a minute… you guys, major epiphany, life is fun. Like get-drunk-and-dance-around-your-kitchen-with-your-cat fun. Like, tear-down-a-wall-inside-your-house-and-build-a-new-room-because-you-can fun. Like hugging-donkeys fun.

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I can’t even…

Well, okay, actually, I can even. I can love the hell out of this life, particularly because I don’t expect it to be something it’s not. I don’t expect it to be storybooks. I don’t expect it to be “happily ever after”. I don’t expect it to be easy. I expect it to be hard-fucking-work. Every last bit of it.

That’s what the first half of my life taught me. It’s always going to be hard-fucking-work, but what matters is whether or not that work is your choice. Most people don’t choose shoveling shit in their spare time, and I totally get that, but, you know, chicken hugs…

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Worth it.

Working my ass off at things that are my choice has taught me that life can simultaneously be the hardest work you’ve ever done, and also, honestly, the most fun you’ve ever had. So when I get the urge to by myself a toy… not a tool, a legit toy, I totally do it.

imageBecause I can.

I bought myself this for Christmas (and I’m at level 29, by the way, so let me know when you beat that one.)

The Christmas tradition I started a few years ago (and hope never to stop) was spending an afternoon at a bookstore, picking out some Christmas books for myself, which I seriously wrap, set under the Christmas tree, and do not open until actual Christmas Day. And then I binge on stories for a good 48 hours. Not weird at all.

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That’s what I picked for this year, and I have no idea if they are actually good books because I  haven’t read them yet, but I tend not to pick out shitty books for myself, so there’s that.  (And I also included the digital version of The Martian, which I have read half-way at the time of this post and so far I’m just pissed this guy isn’t real because he’s me but with way better math skills and on Mars… but other than that? My perfect dude, and I want him to grow a beard and come live on the farm. Stat.)

So, if you’re wondering where I’ve been? Technically I’ve been playing. I’ve been reading a shitload of books, I’ve been beating the crap out of my Simon Says game, and, I’ve been assembling drunk legos with my mom…

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The cat has been helping.

And I’m just saying. We started drinking Christmas mimosas at 9AM…

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And this shit wasn’t finished until 2 in the afternoon…

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Legos are way more effing complicated than I remember, okay? The “Ages 9-15” kit took us at least one bottle of champagne to assemble. Infer from that what you will…

But I still have a moving-effing-lego-tractor to show for it. I also actually have a real tractor to show for it too, but, honestly, the lego one is a little more fun this time of year.

So, yes, I buy myself toys for Christmas. I hole-up for a few days like a kid who doesn’t have anything better to do and I sleep in late, read books, drink too much wine. You guys, it’s fabulous.

And then I get up early and shovel donkey shit, I stack hay and feed my chickens, and I worry about how to staff all the work my company sold this month (because that’s my job.) I worry about how much another tank-full of fuel-oil to heat the house is going to cost, because that’s also my job. And then I crack a beer (or a bottle of wine) and sit in front of the wood stove in my garage.

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I walk around the farm carrying a beer and a chicken in the same hand. Because talents.

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I feel like this is what it’s like to never grow up. Because I’m a full-on adult in all of the ways— mortgage, tractor-payment, keeping miniature donkeys alive every day– but I also get to play all of the time. I get to build stuff, and tear stuff down, and paint, and draw, and drink beer while playing with my power tools (even though THAT totally isn’t OSHA approved.) I get to laugh, and act like an idiot who doesn’t really give a shit that she looks like an idiot.

I get to buy myself toys if I want. And spend a day playing with them. And I know that isn’t always a socially-approved way of doing things. I mean, if you’re 33 and single, you should probably be spending your time lamenting your imminent spinsterdom or whatever, but I choose to spend every minute I’ve got enjoying my life for what it is…

Imperfect. Difficult. Beautiful. Hard-work. Unique. And really-fucking-awesome.

I hope the holidays were just as fun (and really-fucking-awesome) for you as well. And if they weren’t, go buy yourself an awesome toy right now. I swear, it makes life way more fun. And, also, you could read this. Because, hilarity.

 

I’ll be back to building shit soon, but for the next week I’m just going to enjoy being a kid (who can legally drink) again…

28 Responses

  1. You make me smile all over, lady! Your life truly “rocks” and so glad you recognize it. Yes,whether working hard or playing with tools and toys . . . and then mimosas, beer and wine . . . what more could any gal ask for? Wishing you another JOYOUS NEW YEAR!!! And all our doves think you are awesome too!

  2. The 5th Wave is a fun read! There’s a sequel to it out now, also (The Infinite Sea), which was of course a cliff hanger and now I have to wait for the thrilling conclusion.

    Can I go out on a limb and recommend a couple of books? I feel like we have somewhat similar tastes, you know, because I totally also love cats and donkey hugs and Harry Potter. Try picking up a Tamora Pierce novel if you get a chance – they all star tough-as-nails, hard-working women. And Kristin Cashore’s Graceland trilogy is also refreshing in that same way.

    Merry Christmas! Enjoy your play days!

    1. Oh my god, I read both of them (5th wave, and Infinite Sea) in one day. So now I also have to wait for the thrilling conclusion…
      And in the meantime I will totally check out your recommendations!

  3. I love this! The photo of you in the drawer couldn’t be more adorable. I’m totally with you though — there’s a lot of joy to be had in hard work, when it’s work you love.

  4. Kit – I’m a new follower. I started at your very first post to get to know you. I stumbled upon your blog when I was taking my first attempt at installing glass mosaic tiles – yup your rocking men’s bathroom with like 20 million tiles is where I found you!
    That was about a month ago and all my spare time was spent catching up with you, your projects and your life. I laughed with and at you, and I admired you for your strengths, and love the truthful to the point way you write. I only realized about 4 years ago just how much I love power tools. I’ve always loved to craft, knit, crochet, cross stitch and build things with my hands, but power tools rock! I’ve bought a former horse ranch in Maine and have just completed the mosaic tile back splash that led me to you and in the last 2 days installed my first hard wood floor solo in my dining room and today will be installing the black slate entry I’m insetting into the flooring I just completed. You can bet I’ll be using your site as a reference. Wishing you the best and safest new year. Keep up your awesome writing

  5. So glad you know of the martian! My husband and I listened to it on a drive from denver to Texas and we tell everyone we know about it! Such a great book!
    drink Legos sounds like a blast, I’m thinking I might have to make that a new christmas tradition!

  6. im 74 and i still do all that shit. you never have to stop! no chickens tho, just hairless dogs. i always have a destination in my life , but the process of getting there is more fun than reaching the destination. you go girl!!

  7. If joy is the path to youthfulness, you will be forever young. I never doubt that whatever you’re doing or dealing with – the hard work, the fun stuff, the not so fun stuff – you’re having an absolute blast doing it. Cheers to being a kid. Merry Christmas.

  8. Merry Christmas – thanks for sharing your life with us here on the blog.

    I just finished the Martian last month…it’s one of my favorite books in recent memory…so good!

  9. You’ve got the right idea! In adulthood, you have to pay your bills, but after that, you can play if you want! I highly recommend play-time, to which adult beverages can be a marvelous addition!

  10. Hell yes. Im 33 and single, too, and aside from my boat almost sinking last night (which is a problem mainly because I live on it) (stupid issue with power outage and bilge pumps, I didn’t drown in my sleep and fixed that shit a solo mio) life has NEVER been better. Sure, I’d love to have a solid dude in my life and helping me fix bilge pumps, but really? I’m 33 and I handle my own distress.

    We got this.

  11. oh my goodness! I saw Will Grayson/ Will Grayson there from one of my favourite Authors, John Green, and I think you’ll love it. 🙂

    Your christmas sounds like it rocked!

  12. What a perfect Christmas break! I did some of that: I completed a puzzle, drank a little, cuddled a big German Shepherd and then we began tearing out an interior wall. The best of all worlds! I just wish I had read more over break. I need to write down your’s and some commenter’s reading suggestions!

  13. Nah, ain’t groin up….may speak a bit better in public. One doesn’t lose that great endorphin releasing freedom of expression feeling from growing old but by not dancing with chickens and singing into your hammer. 😉

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