Let me just say that if the world ends today, it probably wouldn’t be the worst thing that has happened to me this week. Plus, you know, living in the middle of nowhere gives me a certain advantage when it comes to apocalyptic scenarios, and you may or may not believe that my fuel-oil tank is full, the generator is plugged in, my guns are loaded, and all the dishes are washed and put nicely away… I mean, prepping for the inevitable End of the World is definitely how I would spend my last evening of life as we know it, and not, say, crafting and making apocalypse themed cupcakes.
Okay, maybe I did a little crafting. I’m not sure what it is, but I think doomsday has brought out my inner-Martha. Well, let’s be honest, my version of Martha involves slightly more alcohol and a better sense of humor…
So, in a last-ditch effort to collect good karma, I may have put together several End of the World Survival Kits meant to help my fellow humans survive the imminent destruction of our planet. Most of these I’ll be leaving for random strangers around town today, because that’s how karma works, duh.
These kits contain a random assortment of one or more necessary survival supplies including chocolate, alcohol, band-aids, pocket knives, and gift cards.
I mean really, there’s nothing like a little Armageddon to give you an excuse to make strangers laugh. And get a little tipsy.
And okay, maybe I also made some cupcakes.
Like this geographically inaccurate globe cupcake (pre-apocalypse):
Which may have met with an unfortunate Mayan curse:
And, this, slightly more geographically accurate global warming cupcake:
Don’t worry bible-readers, I didn’t forget you and your biblical plague of locusts.
(Okay, listen, after I had this brilliant idea I realized that locusts look like grasshoppers and not overgrown demonic flies, but I already frosted the damn thing. And really, you never know what swarm of insects is going to take you down in the end.)
The very popular end-of-the-world flood scenario is also depicted here, complete with disproportionally large swedish fish, and a lifesaver… because even during the apocalypse, there should be hope.
Unless, of course, we’re talking about the nuclear blast cupcake…
Then you’re just screwed.
Yeah, you know what? Probably I should stick to building houses. Good luck to all my fellow humans on surviving the end of the world, or even worse, those last-minute Christmas shopping crowds.
Godspeed, my friends.
Update: Whew. The world totally did not end in any of the ways depicted in my apocalyptic scenario cupcakes.
But just in case, End of the World Survival Kits were distributed around Ann Arbor, including on a motorcycle (we figure anyone tough enough to ride a bike in snow should survive the apocalypse)…
At random places of business…
And on the windshields of select cars that either a.) did a horrible job parallel parking, b.) had an inordinate amount of Disney beanie babies on the dash, or c.) happened to be an on-duty cab with an actual cab driver sitting in it. (That happened.) Kits were also left taped to gas pumps, parking meters, and any other place you might find a likely candidate for apocalyptic survival.
The placement of these kits was very, very random over the area of a block or two, and I expected that would be the last I ever heard of them, until posts like this started popping up on facebook…
By chance, a few of these kits made it into the hands of friends of friends who knew about our top-secret mission, which just goes to show that you should never underestimate facebook or our good judgement in choosing survivors.
The only bad news is that since life on earth did not, in fact, come to a screeching halt… I now have to do all of my Christmas shopping in the next 24 hours. (Well played, Mayans, well played.)