Here to Help

I almost never look at the suggested google searches as I type in my how-to and power tool related queries (and they are many) but apparently everyone on the internet but me has figured out that when you type common phrases into the search box and let google offer suggestions on how to finish your sentence, well… I guess the appropriate thing to say here is People Who Use Google Are Crazy.

why_google

But you know, I just had to start typing in terms relating to my field of (self-proclaimed) expertise…

And then, after I followed the link to figure out exactly how one does go about solving a rubix cube, I realized this was actually probably a good measure of how effective this website is as a “how to” resource. Because you know that’s why I do this. For the good of the people. Certainly not strictly to entertain myself. Um…

Anyway, let’s see what DIYdiva has to offer….

1.) How to tie a tie: FAIL. My dude wears flannels, not ties.

2.) How to kiss: My rule is whether they like it or not…

he likes it 2

Whatever… he likes it.

3.) How to get pregnant: FAIL. Not even going to touch this topic with a ten-foot 2×4.Expect not to find the answer to this question on this website ever.

4.) How to lose weight fast: You don’t need to lose weight darlings. You’re a fucking amazing human and the numbers on a scale have nothing to do with it.

5.) How to solve a rubix cube: FAIL. What? You think I live with an engineer for nothing?

6.) How to cook a turkey: There is only one way to cook a turkey, and you need a big pot of boiling oil. And preferably a football game.

7.) How to make a website: You need wordpress, and I’ve got you covered.

8.) How to download YouTube videos: Kids, try Vimeo. It’s like YouTube without the idiots and preteens who write complete sentences out of numbers.

9.) How to write a resume: FAIL. For some strange reason my current employer hired me after reading about how I got hives from eating birthday cake for every meal for a week on this website.

10.) How to lose weight: See #4.

So, six out of ten? Alright people, someone ask me how to build a picnic table, or install a fence to keep your donkeys in. Then I can help you.

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I'm not interested in a mediocre life. I'm here to kick ass or die.

(formerly DIYdiva.net)